


The Masks We Wear

by Thraceadams



Series: The Masks Universe [1]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M, The Masks Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-20
Updated: 2009-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-22 19:00:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/241448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thraceadams/pseuds/Thraceadams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of episode tags told from Ianto’s POV focusing on his thoughts about the situations and on his relationship with Jack and how he progresses from hating his Captain and wanting him dead to propositioning him in just a few short weeks.  This is the first story in The Masks Universe</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Countrycide

  
So I exorcised some demons with ["Confrontations Forgiven In A Heartbeat"](http://thrace-adams.livejournal.com/79651.html) and those were exorcised even further when I saw [](http://www.livejournal.com/users/805belladonna/profile)[**805belladonna**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/805belladonna/) 's fic this morning : ["She's Wrong"](http://community.livejournal.com/jackxianto/2822908.html) \- if you haven't read it - you definitely should it's brilliant. A very excellent Post-Meat Fic.

Anyway, I mentioned that there were other episodes that made me want to exorcise some demons, Countrycide being one of them. [](http://www.livejournal.com/users/morgia/profile)[**morgia**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/morgia/) mentioned that Ianto is always strong and stoic and never breaks down, especially in front of other people and that sometime she would like to see him lose control, break down. She has also been lamenting the lack of Strong!Ianto in fic and the overabundance of smut :) So, I took those suggestions and ran with them and this is what came about.

I don't think I've fully exorcised my Countrycide demons so you may see another post-Countrycide fic from me in the future. But for now, I'm happy. This is actually a series of Post-fics spanning from Countrycide to Out of Time. I started with one image in my head - the scene with Ianto in the shower and the ending came about as I wrote and kind of brought things full circle. so I hope you read and enjoy and leave comments...as always I would appreciate it. Thanks!

 **Title:** The Masks We Wear

 **Author:** Thrace_adams

 **Word Count:** 11,212 – This Chapter 2894

 **Date:** January 2009

 **Spoilers:** Episode 1x6 Countrycide – Episode 1x10 Out of Time, blink and you’ll miss them references to the end of Series One.

 **Pairing:** Jack/Ianto, mentions of Gwen/Rhys, Gwen/Owen, Gwen/Jack (only in the very briefest of thoughts)

 **Warnings:** Angst, mentions of m/m kissing and implied sexual situations – there is no emo!Ianto in this fic.

 **Rating:** Very light R – for swearing, mentions of m/m kissing, sexual talk, and implied sexual situations

 **Summary:** A series of episode tags told from Ianto’s POV focusing on his thoughts about the situations and on his relationship with Jack and how he progresses from hating his Captain and wanting him dead to propositioning him in just a few short weeks.

 **Disclaimers/Archive:** I don’t own Torchwood, Captain Jack Harkness, or Ianto Jones. If I did there would be less talky talky and more kissy kissy. What you recognize belongs to RTD and the BBC, what you don’t belongs to me. I’m a full time Mom so you won’t make any money by suing me. May be archived at Wereleopard’s lair and at my LJ. All others please ask.

I want to thank

  
[   
](http://www.livejournal.com/users/buttononthetop/profile)   
[   
**buttononthetop**   
](http://www.livejournal.com/users/buttononthetop/)   


for being my most esteemed beta and correcting my mistakes and helping me when I didn't quite know how to put my thoughts into words. *HUGS and SQUEEEEEE*

  
 

CHAPTER ONE - COUNTRYCIDE

Ianto sat in the boot of the SUV, hands on his knees, just staring off into space. People moved around him in a blur, he saw none of it. All he could feel was pain and all he could see was his own rage – rage at the cannibals for doing this, at Jack for bringing them out here in the first place, and rage at himself. He hung his head in defeat, how could he have been so careless as to have gotten caught?

He watched Jack and Gwen come out with the ring leader in tow. Bile rose up in his throat at the sense memory of the stench of the man’s rancid breath in his face. He spat on the ground as he remembered the taste of the filthy gag in his mouth and felt the sharp cold steel of the cleaver at his neck. Ianto rested his head in his hands, trying to stop the throbbing. Quickly, he glanced over at the ambulance wondering if he should have let them treat him after all. He knew what a concussion felt like and he was sure he had a pretty good one.

He looked up to see Jack and Owen staring off after Gwen. Bloody Gwen! Sure, she’d been shot with buckshot, but those fucking animals had almost bled him to death! He bit back a bitter laugh at the other two men, always thinking with their cocks.

“Hey.”

Ianto smiled at Tosh, grabbing her hand in his.

“We made it,” she said.

“Yup.”

“Are you sure you’re okay? Sure you don’t want them to take a look at you?”

Ianto nodded his head firmly.

“The last thing I want to do is spend the evening in A&E. All I want to do is go home, have a nice, long, hot shower, and then sit down on my couch with a drink.”

Tosh blushed a bit.

“Sounds nice.”

“You want to join me?”

Tosh threw him a shocked look and blushed even harder. When he realized what he’d said, Ianto felt the blush rise in his own face and started to stammer out a response.

“No, I mean, just, oh fuck, I meant just join me for a drink someplace.”

Tosh smiled that timid smile she always had, looked up at him through her eyelashes.

“I’d like that,” she said and then she frowned looking down at herself. “I look dreadful.”

She looked back up at him, an apologetic look on her face.

“Can we maybe do it another night?”

“Sure, I know I want to get cleaned up as soon as possible. Another night would be fine.”

They smiled tentatively at each other, looking away only when they heard Owen’s voice coming closer. Tosh moved away and settled herself carefully in the backseat of the SUV. Ianto looked up at the crunching of gravel just in time to see the leader being driven off grinning wildly in the back of the police cruiser. The rage that had started to drain away while he spoke with Tosh returned with a vengeance.

“Oi, Teaboy! You going to sit in the boot all day or can we get moving?”

He glared at Owen, almost having to physically restrain himself from punching the doctor. Gingerly, he stood up, his stiff joints screaming in protest, the throbbing returning to his head and he started to move toward the rear seat with Tosh.

“Ianto!”

He turned to look at Jack.

“Up front.”

Ianto sighed in resignation, not looking at Owen or Gwen even though he could feel both of them staring daggers at his back. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how one looked at it, Jack explained his actions.

“Owen, see if you can’t help support Gwen enough that her wound isn’t jostled on the way back. I’ll do the best I can, but the roads are only so good.”

As Jack slid into the driver’s seat he glanced quickly over at Ianto.

“You okay?”

Ianto only nodded his response, not trusting his voice enough to hide his anger. He settled back into his seat, stretched his long legs out, closed his eyes and tried to forget the last twenty-four hours.

Several hours later he jolted awake when they dropped Gwen off at her flat. He looked around and realized that Tosh was already gone, leaving just himself, Jack, and Owen. The rage he’d been feeling before he’d fallen asleep was still rushing through his veins just boiling to be let out. But when Jack pulled the SUV into the garage he kept silent.

“Teaboy, autopsy bay in two minutes. I want to check you over.”

He started to protest but Owen interrupted him.

“I know the medics didn’t look you over so I’m going to and then I’m going out to see if I can get very drunk and shag someone senseless so move it.”

Ianto rolled his eyes but did as he was told and soon found himself sitting shirtless in the autopsy bay as Owen pushed and prodded his ribs. He knew Jack was leaning over the railing above watching them with a frown on his face. Ianto could feel his eyes boring into him and it made his blood boil even more.

“Does it hurt when you breathe?”

Ianto took a deep breath, bracing his ribs in anticipation of the pain and wincing uncontrollably when it came. When he exhaled he couldn’t help but grab his head as it started to throb again. The glance Owen gave Jack did not go unnoticed by Ianto, who continued to seethe silently, wishing he would just be allowed to go home and wallow in private.

“All right. Teaboy stays here –“

“What?”

“Look mate, you’ve got a concussion, three broken ribs, I suspect, a bruised lung, possibly some other bruised internal organs, and on top of that your face is completely messed up.”

Ianto rolled his eyes.

“So why does all that mean I have to stay?”

“Because your injuries are severe enough that you really need someone with you tonight. I’m not going home with you, the girls are already gone, and the Captain here won’t leave the Hub unattended. So here you stay.”

“Fine,” Ianto said coldly, putting his shirt back on.

His hands trembled as he buttoned up his shirt; he was practically shaking with pent-up anger. He glanced up at Jack.

“If you don’t need anything, I’m going to get cleaned up.”

When Jack didn’t answer right away, Ianto just nodded and left the autopsy bay heading for his locker where he kept a few changes of clothes. He grabbed some and made his way to the shower room. Quietly, he stripped off his clothes, leaving them in a pile, fully intending to burn them in the near future because he would never be wearing them again. He let the warm water run over him, watching it turn a rusty brown color. He winced as the water sluiced over his cuts. Gently, he ran his fingertips over the cut above his eye and the wound on his neck from the cleaver. He pounded his fist against the wall of the shower as another wave of frustration washed over him before resolutely starting to shampoo the grime out of his hair. He never noticed the green light of the CCTV camera as it rotated to fix on his position in the shower stall.

When the last of the soap was rinsed off, Ianto just stood there under the water, finally letting his rage take control and feeling his body shake with the intensity of it. He started to pound against the tile wall again, pound until his hands were tingling with pain and swollen from the pressure. He leaned his forehead against the cool tile and yelled out his anger. It never occurred to him to even wonder if Jack could hear him.

*******************

Jack watched Ianto over the CCTV wondering if he should go down and interrupt but he was sure Ianto wouldn’t appreciate it. So he sat and he watched and he hated himself just a bit more as each minute crawled by while Ianto pounded the walls of the shower stall.

*******************

When his hands hurt so badly he was afraid the next punch would break them, Ianto stopped. And that was when the tears started. That familiar hot rush behind his eyes, burst out unbidden to roll unchecked down the bruised skin of his cheeks. He pressed his forehead harder against the tile in a vain attempt to stop the sobs that were threatening to erupt from his chest. The rage bubbled and boiled inside him until no force in the universe could have stopped it as it came thundering out.

Ianto screamed his hands clenched in fists shaking with anger. Tears of rage burned paths down his cheeks. _Somehow,_ he thought, _somehow I should have stopped them. Never have let them get me or Tosh. Just like somehow I should have saved Lisa, never have let her get converted, never have let Jack shoot her._

He kicked the wall, pain blossoming through his foot, fueling his rage even further. _Fucking prick was going to eat me! For God’s sake, who the fuck eats people? And that smug smile on his face, I wish I had just five more minutes alone in a room with that sick fuck, I’d wipe it right off. We’d see how tough the bastard was when his food didn’t have his hands tied behind his back or a baseball bat at his disposal._

Ianto turned around resting his back against the wall and pressing his bruised hands against his face trying to stop the tears streaming down his face and the throbbing in his head. His breath came in hitched gasps as he felt his anger slowly start to drain out of him from sheer exhaustion. He sank down the cool tile, sliding until his arse hit the floor. Drawing his knees to his chest, he wrapped his arms around them and rested his forehead against his arms. He felt the tears slow, thought maybe he could see the last one fall from the tip of his nose and he leaned back, resting his head against the tile. When the water started to cool he turned it off and got up, grateful that Jack hadn’t come looking for him. As he toweled off the green light of the CCTV camera again went unnoticed.

*********************

Jack sat at his desk wiping the last few tears off his own face as he watched his youngest team member dry off with an old gray towel. Watching Ianto break down over the CCTV had felt intensely private and intrusive but Jack couldn’t bring himself to turn it off. He felt he owed Ianto every bit of pain it caused him to watch it for what he’d been through during the last twenty-four hours. Of course Ianto would never know that he’d watched, it would embarrass him horribly, so Jack would never tell. But somehow, someway, Jack would make this up to him. This and Lisa. Jack had watched the monitor closely; he’d seen Ianto’s lips form her name in the midst of his misery. As the younger man finished putting his clothes on, Jack shut the feed down and tried to get back to the report he was supposed to have been working on.

**********************

Ianto made his way slowly back up into the Hub. He still had no idea where he was going to sleep. The little room he’d used while Lisa had been alive had been cleaned out during his suspension. He glanced over at the ratty brown couch and figured there was as good a place as any to crash. As he stood over it, trying to decide whether he wanted to get one of the sheets from the autopsy bay or not, a warm hand settled onto his shoulder and he stiffened.

Ianto wasn’t sure if Jack noticed the tension under his hand because he didn’t move it in the least.

“I’ve got a bed in my office. Why don’t you sleep there tonight?”

“Sir?”

Jack smiled tentatively at him.

“I don’t usually sleep much. You sleep down there tonight. I’ll work on that backlog of paperwork you want me to finish AND I can keep an eye and ear on you so Owen won’t come after me with one of his scalpels in the morning.”

Ianto couldn’t help the fleeting thought of wanting to go after Jack with a scalpel of his own, but then he smiled wanly.

“Well, if you’re sure, sir.”

“I’m sure, Ianto. You’re injured and you need your rest and that lumpy old sofa is never going to mean rest by any definition of the word.”

Ianto couldn’t help but chuckle. The Captain had actually made a joke and a non-sexual one at that.

“Well, then thank you. I appreciate it.”

He stood there staring at Jack.

“Oh,” Jack jumped, almost blushing, “Follow me.”

When Ianto reached the bottom of the ladder he looked around the small space. Small though it was, Jack had managed to make it appear homey. The bed was little more than a camping cot but there was a bedside table with a small lamp and a book lying on it. At the foot of the bed was a trunk, similar to one Ianto suspected they used in the military at boot camp. Beyond that up against the wall stood an old fashioned wardrobe. One of the doors was cracked open a bit and Ianto could just make out the cuffs of several blue shirts. The familiar smell of Jack permeated the room and almost assaulted his senses but somehow it was comforting.

Jack rocked back and forth on his heels nervously.

“Well, this is it; there really isn’t much to see. The sheets are clean, I changed them yesterday before we left. If you need anything, I’ll just be right up the ladder at my desk. Get some rest, Ianto.”

He smiled at Ianto, one of his gentle caring smiles, one that Ianto hadn’t seen in a very long time.

“Thank you, sir.”

He waited until Jack had climbed up the ladder before stripping down to his pants and sliding between the sheets. He inhaled deeply; even clean they still smelled like Jack. Some part of his brain wondered why that would comfort him when in reality he still felt like hating his Captain. After all, the man had killed the love of his life, even if he was finally starting to admit to himself that she had truly died at Canary Wharf and what he’d kept alive had just been a façade. Then because his beloved Captain had wanted him to have more experience in the field he’d almost been eaten by fucking cannibals.

Ianto could feel the anger no, the rage start to rise again and decided that he best stop that train of thought right there. Jack had no more idea that it was cannibals than any of the rest of them did. It wasn’t his fault and in the end he had come in saving the day in a hail of gunfire. In the darkness, Ianto couldn’t help but crack a small smile at Jack’s dramatic heroics.

He winced as he turned over on his side, only to turn onto his back a few moments later. The brute had really worked him over with the baseball bat, it’s a wonder he wasn’t injured more severely. He bit back a gasp as he tried to take a deep breath, biting his lip when he heard Jack pause in his writing up above. Ianto held his breath waiting for his Captain to say something, to ask if he was okay. When he didn’t, he settled back down under the covers, closed his eyes, and willed sleep to take him.

**********************

Jack sat at his desk, his pen scratching the paper, filling out the backlog of paperwork that Ianto had been after him to complete. He was having trouble concentrating because all he could see was Ianto curled into a sobbing ball on the floor of the shower. Jack had seen the moment the mask had slipped back into place and that was actually when his own tears had started. He finally saw what Ianto had been hiding from them all those months before they found out about Lisa. What they saw day in and day out around the Hub was nothing but a façade, built to hide the inner pain Ianto was feeling every single day.

He stopped writing for a moment when he heard a gasp come from his bed. He listened intently and when he heard nothing further he went back to his work. When he looked down at the completed report in his hand and saw the smug look on that man’s face as he told Gwen he did it because it made him happy, he knew what he had to do. It would take calling in a few favors and he couldn’t take care of it tonight because tonight he was supposed to be watching over Ianto. But the next night he was free he was going to do this and in his own private way he’d be taking care of Ianto then too.

TBC

  
 


	2. Greeks Bearing Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of episode tags told from Ianto’s POV focusing on his thoughts about the situations and on his relationship with Jack and how he progresses from hating his Captain and wanting him dead to propositioning him in just a few short weeks.

  
**Title:** The Masks We Wear  
 **Author:** Thrace_adams  
 **Word Count:** 11,212 – This Chapter 1635  
 **Date:** January 2009  
 **Spoilers:** Episode 1x6 Countrycide – Episode 1x10 Out of Time, blink and you’ll miss them references to the end of Series One.  
 **Pairing:** Jack/Ianto, mentions of Gwen/Rhys, Gwen/Owen, Gwen/Jack (only in the very briefest of thoughts)  
 **Warnings:** Angst, mentions of m/m kissing and implied sexual situations – there is no emo!Ianto in this fic.  
 **Rating:** Very light R – for swearing, mentions of m/m kissing, sexual talk, and implied sexual situations  
 **Summary:** A series of episode tags told from Ianto’s POV focusing on his thoughts about the situations and on his relationship with Jack and how he progresses from hating his Captain and wanting him dead to propositioning him in just a few short weeks.  
 **Disclaimers/Archive:** I don’t own Torchwood, Captain Jack Harkness, or Ianto Jones. If I did there would be less talky talky and more kissy kissy. What you recognize belongs to RTD and the BBC, what you don’t belongs to me. I’m a full time Mom so you won’t make any money by suing me. May be archived at Wereleopard’s lair and at my LJ. All others please ask.

  
Thanks to [](http://www.livejournal.com/users/buttononthetop/profile)[**buttononthetop**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/buttononthetop/)  for her mad skillz as my beta and making this read a whole better than when she got it. *HUGS*

Previous Chapters [Here](http://thrace-adams.livejournal.com/49989.html#cutid1)

  
CHAPTER TWO – GREEKS BEARING GIFTS

Ianto closed the file folder and sat there silently after Tosh left. He and Tosh had more in common now than he thought, seeing as how Jack killed both their girlfriends. Instantly he regretted that thought. Jack was generally a good man and a good boss. However, he did have his dark moments, like when he’d ordered Ianto to kill Lisa and just today when he’d callously told Tosh he’d sent Mary to the center of the sun. It was no wonder his feelings were so conflicted – Jack himself was conflicting, caring one moment, cold and calculating the next.

He was in the Tourist Office, straightening up, a multitude of thoughts jumbled up in his mind. He could see Tosh and Jack talking over the CCTV feed from the Plass. Having had a similar conversation during his suspension he could only imagine what they were saying. He watched as Jack wiped a tear off her face and walked away from her. He turned the feed off, giving Tosh her privacy.

Intellectually, he knew what Jack had done was right. Mary was a killer as was Lisa, still didn’t make it hurt any less. He suspected Tosh would be hurting for a while. He looked up as she walked in and smiled weakly at him. Watched as she walked to the inner door and turned back to face him again.

“Ianto?”

“Yes, Tosh?”

“I’d like to take you up on that drink if the offer’s still open.”

He smiled at her.

“Just give me ten minutes notice before you want to leave.”

“All right.”

She smiled at him and went back down into the Hub.

A little while later he was down there putting rubbish into a bin bag. He looked up and smiled at Tosh as she walked over.

“I’ll be ready in about fifteen minutes or so Ianto.”

“Sounds good. I’ll just finish tidying up, make the Captain his last round of coffee and I’ll be ready to go.”

And fifteen minutes later they were leaving the Hub, Tosh’s arm linked through Ianto’s and Jack watching them curiously on the CCTV. Ianto sat down next to Tosh after picking up their drinks at the bar. She looked at him for a moment before raising her glass.

“So what should we toast to?”

“Surviving?”

She smiled, clicked their glasses together.

“To surviving.”

He echoed her sentiment and took a long sip of his beer. The silence stretched out between them a bit awkwardly and Tosh gave a nervous chuckle. Ianto smiled at her.

“I suppose you’re wondering what I heard?” she asked softly.

“Only if you feel up to telling me.”

She smiled again and looked down at her hands.

“It was when you were asking me about coffee,” she started softly.

Ianto looked down into his beer, knowing exactly what he’d been thinking when he asked Tosh about coffee. He felt the heat sear his face and knew even without the bloody necklace he wouldn’t be able to hide from Tosh.

“Ianto, why are you in pain?”

And there it was the question he’d known she was going to ask, the question he’d dreaded answering and now he was going to have to answer it.

“Is it Lisa? The Beacons? Jack?”

He smiled into his beer. Tosh was definitely too smart for her own good. He looked up at her.

“All of the above,” he said softly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

“Well, today couldn’t have helped too much.”

He shrugged, taking another sip of his beer.

“I still miss her, every day.”

Tosh nodded and Ianto saw pain flash across her eyes.

“It’s not going to go away anytime soon, losing Mary.”

She nodded, taking a quick sip of her beer.

He saw the question in her eyes before she even realized she was thinking it.

“I don’t know, I’m not sure I can even help you figure that out, since I’m still figuring out how I feel about him myself.”

“He’s a good man, Ianto. He’s done good things.”

“And yet he’s done some not so good things too. He could have sent her someplace else, Tosh.”

He winced as fresh tears appeared in her eyes.

“I know.”

They drank in silence for a moment. Ianto shifted in his chair and flinched a bit.

“Still sore?”

“Yep. Owen says I will be until the ribs are completely healed.”

“I’m so sorry that was your first field experience, Ianto. It’s not always like that.”

“I know. That was one example of something he did that was good. He saved all of us.”

But as he looked at Tosh he couldn’t help but think, after he got all of us in trouble out there to begin with.

“You can’t think like that, Ianto. He didn’t know. He couldn’t have known.”

He glanced at her sharply.

“It was the look on your face; I could just tell what you were thinking.”

Ianto smiled sheepishly, “That obvious?”

“He rescued me from hell once. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for that. But there are days that I think he rescued me from one hell only to put me into another.”

“Like today?”

She raised her glass and clinked his again, “Like today.”

They finished their beers switching to small talk and Ianto walked her out to her car.

“Thanks Ianto.”

She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

“It will get better, I promise,” she whispered.

Softly, she caressed his cheek with her hand. He smiled as he watched her drive off, getting into his own car and going home. He sat on his couch, nursing another beer, trying to stave off the myriad of thoughts in his head.

Tosh was right. Jack was a good man but he had his dark moments. Taking another swig of his beer he laughed bitterly, “Don’t we all,” he muttered into the darkened room.

He wished he understood how Jack could switch so easily from being the caring boss wiping Tosh’s tears away to the callous leader who sent Mary to the center of the sun. The caring boss that he woke to cradling him in his arms to the callous leader ordering him to execute Lisa.

He knew Jack had had a rough time of it. The incident with the fairies had been proof enough of that. Ianto suspected Jack slept very little, it was confirmed that night they discovered the strange weather patterns. When Jack had turned around and noticed him his face had been disturbed. Ianto could only imagine what demons had been haunting him.

That was the night their trip on the road to reconciliation had begun in earnest. Jack hadn’t told him to leave, had only asked him about the weather patterns and placed his hand on his shoulder. It was the first time Jack had touched him in any way since Lisa – no, the Cyberman with Lisa’s face, had been killed. It was in that moment that Ianto knew he’d been forgiven and all had been forgotten.

Then Estelle had died and Gwen had told them about Jack grieving. Ianto had felt guilty about his accusation of Jack not understanding love, because from what Gwen had said about Estelle, it was clear that Jack had loved her. He never showed any sign of it to the team, just went on with things even when Ianto was the only one talking to him.

When the team had stopped talking to Jack it somehow made it easier for Ianto to talk to him. Seeing as how he’d been in the same position only a few weeks earlier when Jack was the only one talking to him and he was the one person who had the most reason not to. Tosh was the first person to start talking to either of them again. Ianto remembered when she came into the Tourist Office one morning and brought him coffee. He supposed that was when they had started to become friends. She had started talking to Jack just a few days after the incident with Jasmine and the fairies. As with him, it had taken Owen and Gwen a bit longer.

Ianto sighed, finishing off his beer. He just wished Jack wouldn’t make things so hard. He stood up, taking his empty bottle into the kitchen. Giving it a final cleaning, he shut off the lights and headed back to his bedroom.

He laid there in the dark for quite a while, wondering if Tosh would tell Jack what she’d overheard or if maybe their conversation tonight allayed her fears enough that she wouldn’t feel the need. As he drifted off to a fitful sleep, he could only hope Tosh would keep his thoughts to herself.

*************************

Across the street Jack watched as the lights in Ianto’s flat slowly went off room by room until all the windows were dark. He imagined Ianto lying in bed in the dark, wondered what he was thinking, feeling. He suspected Tosh had overheard some of Ianto’s thoughts but he knew his beautiful Toshiko would never betray Ianto by telling him what she’d heard.

He’d watched them on the CCTV all the way to the Pub. He’d stared at the door of the Pub on his screen for what felt like hours until they had emerged. He’d watched Ianto walk Tosh to her car like the gentleman he was. He’d felt a twinge of jealousy as Tosh had kissed him on the cheek. When Ianto was safely home, he’d grabbed his coat and gone out and here he stood. Watching over the youngest member of the team and hoping against hope that he hadn’t tarnished his image in Ianto’s eyes even more with what he’d done to Mary and to Tosh.

TBC

  
   



	3. They Keep Killing Suzie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of episode tags told from Ianto’s POV focusing on his thoughts about the situations and on his relationship with Jack and how he progresses from hating his Captain and wanting him dead to propositioning him in just a few short weeks.

  


**Title:** The Masks We Wear  
 **Author:** Thrace_adams  
 **Word Count:** 11,212 – This Chapter 2137  
 **Date:** January 2009  
 **Spoilers:** Episode 1x6 Countrycide – Episode 1x10 Out of Time, blink and you’ll miss them references to the end of Series One.  
 **Pairing:** Jack/Ianto, mentions of Gwen/Rhys, Gwen/Owen, Gwen/Jack (only in the very briefest of thoughts)  
 **Warnings:** Angst, mentions of m/m kissing and implied sexual situations – there is no emo!Ianto in this fic.  
 **Rating:** Very light R – for swearing, mentions of m/m kissing, sexual talk, and implied sexual situations  
 **Summary:** A series of episode tags told from Ianto’s POV focusing on his thoughts about the situations and on his relationship with Jack and how he progresses from hating his Captain and wanting him dead to propositioning him in just a few short weeks.  
 **Disclaimers/Archive:** I don’t own Torchwood, Captain Jack Harkness, or Ianto Jones. If I did there would be less talky talky and more kissy kissy. What you recognize belongs to RTD and the BBC, what you don’t belongs to me. I’m a full time Mom so you won’t make any money by suing me. May be archived at Wereleopard’s lair and at my LJ. All others please ask.

Thanks to my wonderful friend and beta

  
[   
](http://www.livejournal.com/users/buttononthetop/profile)   
[   
**buttononthetop**   
](http://www.livejournal.com/users/buttononthetop/)   


for reminding me that Ianto's stopwatch counts up and not down. 

 Previous Chapters [Here](http://thrace-adams.livejournal.com/49989.html#cutid1)

CHAPTER THREE – THEY KEEP KILLING SUZIE

Ianto watched Jack walk out of the vault, almost feeling the stopwatch ticking in his pocket. His heart pounded with fear and anticipation. He finished the paperwork quickly, resisting the urge to take the stopwatch out of his pocket and watch the seconds tick by. When he’d finished with Suzie’s body and paperwork, he closed up the drawer and engaged the lock, only then did he pull out his stopwatch and look.

1:18

His heart started to pound just a tiny bit faster. What had possessed him to proposition Jack? How had he gone from hating the man to propositioning him over the body of a colleague in just two short months? It had only been a couple of weeks ago that the whole fiasco with Mary and Tosh had happened. Tosh had readily forgiven Jack a few days later. Ianto knew they had a history, probably longer than anyone else at Torchwood Three and there were days he wondered just what exactly it was. He knew there were times that Jack arranged for Tosh to meet with her family and that he went to great lengths to keep those meetings a secret especially from UNIT. Ianto had often wondered about that but he kept quiet and made sure all the paperwork was filed properly so no suspicions were raised.

2:00

 _Damn!_ He’d wasted almost a full minute wool-gathering. He left the vault at a quickened pace heading back up to the Hub. He laid the paperwork on the couch intending to take it with him when he finally made his way up to Jack’s office. The others were getting ready to leave. He could smell the antiseptic wafting up from the autopsy bay where Owen had obviously just sprayed down the autopsy table. Gwen already had her coat on and was calling out.

“Bye Ianto.”

“Good night Gwen,” he replied.

When she cleared the cog wheel door he made his way over to her desk to clear away the ever present pile of rubbish she left behind. Used tissues, wadded up pieces of paper, chewed pen caps, gum wrappers, receipts, were all strewn over her desk along with her dirty coffee mug. The trash he placed into the rubbish bag he held, the mug he carried into the kitchen.

He made his way down to the autopsy bay just as Owen was making his way out.

“Cleaned the table off for you, mate,” Owen said clapping him on the shoulder.

Ianto stared after him surprised at the uncharacteristic move.

“Well, don’t get used to it, just didn’t relish being on decaf for a week for leaving the residue from the last autopsy I did for you to clean up, which I might say was pretty disgusting. How do you do it?”

“If I don’t, who will?”

“Not me, probably not again, so enjoy the clean table while you’ve got the chance, Teaboy.”

Ianto watched him walk out, hearing him call out, “Bye Tosh.”

He cleaned up the rubbish on Owen’s desk and removed his equally disgusting coffee mug. Ianto idly wondered if some of the residue from the alien autopsy had ended up in Owen’s mug as it looked rather vile and smelled worse.

3:00

Ianto could feel his heart pounding. Seven minutes and he hadn’t even made it to Tosh’s desk yet! He dropped Gwen and Owen’s mugs off in the kitchenette before walking over to Tosh. She smiled up at him as she threw some equipment into her bag to work on at home.

“Plans for the evening, Ianto?”

As he thought about how to answer her, he could almost feel the weight of Jack’s stare as he stood in the window of his office watching them. Idly he wondered – not for the first time - if Jack could hear what was being said.

“Just going to do a bit of cleaning up here and then Jack wanted to see me.”

She smiled.

“Well, don’t let him keep you here too late; you need rest, even if he doesn’t.”

Ianto chuckled lightly. Since that first night at the Pub they’d gone back several times and had each shared what little knowledge of Jack they both had. Between the two of them they’d figured out that Jack slept very little and most nights he spent either working at the Hub or looking out over the city on a roof someplace.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

She smiled at him warmly, placing her hand on his arm.

“I know, I just want you to take care of yourself.”

“Thanks, Tosh.”

Turning to look at Jack she yelled up to him.

“I’ve got my cell if you need anything.”

He nodded at her so she turned back to Ianto.

“Good night Ianto.”

She leaned up to kiss him on the cheek again and left quickly through the cog wheel door.

4:34

Ianto quickly gathered up the rest of the rubbish in the bag and took it down to the garage to the bin. He washed the coffee mugs quickly and efficiently, cleaning up the kitchen as he went. All the while, his thoughts were swirling.

Just what exactly was he going to do when he got up to Jack’s office? _Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch!_ What the fuck had he been thinking? What the hell did one do with a stopwatch? He scrubbed harshly at some dried food on the counter. He certainly hoped Jack had some ideas because he was at a loss. He knew he’d have to think of something quickly otherwise what would Jack think?

As he dried the mugs his heart started to pound again. Would Jack expect them to have sex? They’d barely done anything more than flirt, maybe a few touches here and there, and before Li – the Cyberman had been discovered, a few snogs in the archives followed by some mutual groping but no actual sex.

Ianto felt his cock twitch at the thought. There were days that he couldn’t stop thinking about Jack’s hands or his mouth and what they would feel like on his body, what it would feel like to have Jack inside him or to be inside Jack. Blood rushed to his groin and hardened him almost to the point of aching. He resisted the urge to palm his erection and relieve some tension.

It felt surreal at times. This was the man that had killed the love of his life and some days the anger was still there, the rage that he hadn’t even tried to save her. But then Jack saved the day, flashed Ianto his mega-watt smile, or caressed his wrist when he delivered coffee and Ianto felt his resolve melting. It had fully melted when he’d realized Tosh had forgiven Jack for what happened with Mary.

Ianto had seen Tosh in Jack’s office, watched her hug the older man, and then had filed the paperwork himself for her quick three-day trip to Japan. Ianto had known she was going to see her family, had wondered if Jack had used that to buy her forgiveness and had immediately squashed the thought. Tosh wasn’t someone who could be bought. Seeing her family was a reward for her forgiveness, a gift from a grateful Jack for being forgiven.  
He would never apologize, not when he thought he was right, Ianto knew that all too well. But he would reward and the rewards were very nice, as Ianto had found out that very afternoon in the archives himself.

He’d delivered coffee to Jack and had gotten the customary caress of his wrist. He’d smiled warmly down at Jack and Jack had caught his eye. Ianto was surprised at the vulnerability he’d seen there. So it shouldn’t have surprised him when Jack had whispered out a question.

“Do you forgive me Ianto?”

“What, sir?”

“Do you forgive me, for Lisa?”

Ianto had closed his eyes, seeing his beautiful girl without the metal atrocities. He couldn’t help but see Annie the pizza delivery girl and watch her jerk as the team’s bullets hit her body. He’d turned and Jack and Tosh were the only ones able to meet his eyes. Well, aside from Owen who was glaring at him. But despite the anger in Jack’s eyes he could tell that the Captain had felt awful, had regretted the chain of events.

“I really wish you would.”

Ianto had jerked back to reality at the plaintive tone to Jack’s voice. He’d blushed and smiled down at his Captain.

“I already have, sir.”

He’d collected the tray and walked out of Jack’s office, missing the grin that had started to form on Jack’s face. It was only later when Jack found him in the archives and snogged him breathless that he’d realized just how much his forgiveness had meant to Jack.

“I truly am sorry Ianto.”

He’d pressed his forehead to Ianto’s as he’d clutched at his arms.

“Water under the bridge, sir.”

Jack’s hand had clasped the back of his neck and he’d pressed their lips together. Ianto had melted into the kiss, opening his mouth to Jack’s insistent tongue. It was then that he’d realized that despite what others might think, he was the one with the actual power in the relationship. Jack had only come to him when he’d given his permission. It was only with Ianto’s permission that they were snogging. He’d palmed Jack’s erection first, inviting the older man to reciprocate and reciprocate he had. They’d gone to the Pub and had dinner together for the first time later that evening.

And now, he’d been the one to proposition Jack, he’d been the one to instigate whatever this was. So if they had sex tonight, it would only be with his permission.

8:00

 _Two minute warning,_ Ianto thought. He dried his hands on the towel and left the mugs sitting in the rack. He smiled as he smelled the fresh coffee brewing. Whatever Jack had planned, whatever they ended up doing in his office with Ianto’s stopwatch, he knew the Captain would want coffee. As it brewed he left the kitchenette to make one last round of the Hub and one last walk through the Tourist Office.

He straightened a few pamphlets, made sure the door was locked and the closed sign was out. He shut the computer down and made his way back down into the Hub. He felt the chill of the sweat that had beaded up on his brow. His heart beat just a tiny bit faster, pumping blood to his groin and making his cock twitch again. It was already almost throbbing with need and he had to repress a groan.

Ianto clenched his fist, again resisting the urge to rub a palm over himself to ease the tension. He figured Jack would be doing that in… and he looked at his stopwatch again.

9:15

He felt his heart rate increase to an almost punishing rate. He hadn’t felt this anxious about anything since his first date with Lisa. At least this time thinking of her didn’t bring the blinding pain and rage. He realized now she’d long been dead and what he’d tried to save had been just a shell. Jack had tried to tell him that, had even given him a chance to see it but he’d been blinded by love.

They’d had many long conversations over his suspension. It had been a long hard road but when he’d told Jack that afternoon that he’d forgiven him, he’d told him the truth, he had forgiven him. And now as he watched the seconds tick by on his stopwatch, he knew he was going to let the Captain have sex with him, or he was going to have sex with the Captain.  
As Ianto poured them both a cup of coffee he idly wondered just who would be topping.  
Trying to control the slight tremor in his hands, he put the cups on a tray and started toward Jack’s office. He kind of assumed Jack would, he was such a typical alpha male. But he hoped that one day, maybe he’d let Ianto top.

He climbed the stairs slowly, the stopwatch ticking its time heavy in his pocket. When he reached the top, he took a deep breath and slowly walked through Jack’s door.

“Ianto, just in time.”

He took one look at Jack’s mega-watt grin and knew he was a goner. He set the tray down on the desk in front of him and pulled out his stopwatch.

9:50-51-52-53-54-55-56-57-58-59

He clicked the button on the top and put it back into his waistcoat. Nervously he smiled at Jack and then the Captain was surrounding him, arms around him tightly and tongue thrusting into his mouth.

Zero Hour.

  
TBC

 

 


	4. Random Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of episode tags told from Ianto’s POV focusing on his thoughts about the situations and on his relationship with Jack and how he progresses from hating his Captain and wanting him dead to propositioning him in just a few short weeks.

  
Sorry for the delay in posting - I can't really post until after the child is in bed and it's that time now - so here you go! As always, thanks so much for reading and commenting.

 **Title:** The Masks We Wear  
 **Author:** Thrace_adams  
 **Word Count:** 11,212 – This Chapter 2236  
 **Date:** January 2009  
 **Spoilers:** Episode 1x6 Countrycide – Episode 1x10 Out of Time, blink and you’ll miss them references to the end of Series One.  
 **Pairing:** Jack/Ianto, mentions of Gwen/Rhys, Gwen/Owen, Gwen/Jack (only in the very briefest of thoughts)  
 **Warnings:** Angst, mentions of m/m kissing and implied sexual situations – there is no emo!Ianto in this fic.  
 **Rating:** Very light R – for swearing, mentions of m/m kissing, sexual talk, and implied sexual situations  
 **Summary:** A series of episode tags told from Ianto’s POV focusing on his thoughts about the situations and on his relationship with Jack and how he progresses from hating his Captain and wanting him dead to propositioning him in just a few short weeks.  
 **Disclaimers/Archive:** I don’t own Torchwood, Captain Jack Harkness, or Ianto Jones. If I did there would be less talky talky and more kissy kissy. What you recognize belongs to RTD and the BBC, what you don’t belongs to me. I’m a full time Mom so you won’t make any money by suing me. May be archived at Wereleopard’s lair and at my LJ. All others please ask.

Thanks to my AWESOME beta and friend 

  
[   
](http://www.livejournal.com/users/buttononthetop/profile)   
[   
**buttononthetop**   
](http://www.livejournal.com/users/buttononthetop/)   


  for all her hard work. This chapter was hard as there wasn't a lot of Janto in it :)

Previous Chapters [Here](http://thrace-adams.livejournal.com/49989.html#cutid1)

  
 

CHAPTER FOUR – RANDOM SHOES

Ianto was in the archives filing away Eugene’s belongings. The young man would have been surprised at just how many of his things really were alien. The eye had been the most obvious and the most important. Ianto had filed that in the secure archives for Jack earlier.

The team had come back pretty chuffed about what happened. Eugene had actually saved Gwen’s life. Pushed her out of the way of a speeding car and all. For a brief moment, everyone had been able to see him. _Really_ see him. Ianto had to admit to himself he felt a bit jealous. He wondered what it would be like to be truly seen by those around him. The only one that had come close lately had been Tosh. They had grown closer in the weeks following Mary’s departure. It helped to have her to talk to. She was an excellent listener and he’d started learning quite a bit more about her.

He’d also learned a great deal more about Jack. Things Tosh told him had made it much easier to forgive him and move on from Lisa. _Move on, indeed,_ he snorted to himself. They’d started having sex just a week or so ago after that whole debacle with Suzie. Ianto felt himself start to harden at the thought of that first night in Jack’s office. The things that man could do with a stopwatch were truly inspired.

He took a deep breath and willed his body back under control. The Captain truly was an extraordinary man. Tosh had told him the story of how she’d come to Torchwood. How Jack had rescued her from a UNIT cell under the conditions she not see her family again and that she give him five years of her life. She had readily agreed and after about three years he let her go see her mother for the first time. There had been somewhat regular visits after that, each one carefully concealed from UNIT.

That’s when Ianto had finally understood why Tosh had seemed to easily forgive Jack for killing Mary. She felt she owed him, for rescuing her, for forgiving her and for trusting her enough to let her see her family. Jack seemed to engender that feeling in people. It was precisely why Ianto had started on his path toward forgiveness. After his four week suspension Jack had let him back into Torchwood, on restriction but not Retconned or dead. He’d given him a chance, a chance to be forgiven and to earn his trust back. And Ianto had done just that. He’d done his job, faithfully, cleaning up after the team, making sure the SUV was serviced, cleaned and stocked appropriately. He’d done weapons training with Jack. _That had been an experience,_ Ianto smiled to himself at the memory.

Then they’d had that incident with the Faeries and he’d been the only one speaking to Jack. They had made their first tentative steps then. Neither had any way of knowing that just a week or so later they would almost all be killed by fucking cannibals.

Ianto shivered at the thought of them and consciously stopped that train of thought and switched tracks back to Tosh. He and Tosh were members of a very exclusive club - The “Captain Jack killed my girlfriend but I would still die for him anyway” club. Jack had never apologized to either of them. He had told Ianto he was sorry but Ianto had understood that he meant he was sorry Lisa was dead, not that he’d killed her. That was when their physical relationship had started.

Jack had flirted with him from the very beginning. But it wasn’t until after he had been assured of Ianto’s forgiveness that he’d even tried taking things to the next level. But Ianto soon came to realize that it was just an illusion, that Jack only allowed him control of the sexual side of their relationship. Jack, with his secrets and his jokes when anything got too serious, was still very much in control of everything else. Even so, it made Ianto feel useful, wanted, and needed, all things he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

There were times Ianto wished it was more, hoped that someday it might be more with Jack. He and Jack had gone out to dinner at a Pub one night shortly after Mary had been dispatched. They’d talked at length for the first time about Lisa and Jack had told him about Rose. Ianto had thought maybe that might have been the beginning of something more, but they hadn’t had a night like that since.

He sighed as he turned back to finish the filing in front of him, knowing that he’d probably wasted a good twenty minutes or so wool-gathering. Regardless of exactly what his relationship with Jack was, he was glad he had it. At the risk of sounding like a bad romantic comedy, Jack made him want to be a better man. He made Ianto try harder, work harder. Because of him Ianto had more confidence and fancied himself a much stronger person than he’d been in the past.

Ianto straightened up when his comm unit crackled to life.

“Ianto?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I thought we might go to the Pub and grab some dinner. How soon are you coming up?”

“How soon do you want me to come up?”

Jack chuckled into his ear.

“You really want me to answer that one?” he said salaciously.

Ianto flushed even though he knew Jack couldn’t see him on the CCTV.

Jack laughed into his ear again.

“I know you’re blushing down there. How long will it take you to finish what you’re working on?”

“About twenty minutes sir.”

“Fine. Then I’m taking us to the Pub. The faster you finish, the faster we can eat and the faster I can have my wicked way with you when we’re done.”

Ianto felt himself blushing even harder even as the rest of his blood diverted to his groin and had him semi-hard in seconds.

“On my way, sir.”

The comm unit went silent and Ianto sped up his filing. A mere twelve minutes later he was dusting himself off and making his way back up into the Hub. He went right to the kitchen to grab a bin bag and started gathering up the rubbish. Owen and Gwen were already gone and he could hear Tosh’s voice up in Jack’s office. He finished cleaning and then set about making one last round of coffee. Even going to the Pub he knew Jack would want one last cup before they left. And it was always nice to give Tosh one to take with her.

He was just pouring her takeaway cup when she appeared in the doorway.

“Ianto you’re a life saver. That was just what I wanted.”

She beamed at him gratefully.

“Figured you would want one for the road.”

Tosh kissed him softly on the cheek, caressing it lightly with her hand.

“Have fun tonight at the Pub.”

He flushed at the possibility that she might know what was going on between himself and Jack. But then he relaxed when he remembered that this was Tosh, his friend and that she would only want what was best for him.

“Just do what makes you happy,” she whispered into his ear and then she was gone.

He smiled before turning and pouring Jack’s coffee into his blue and white striped mug and taking it up to his office with his own cup. Jack’s smile lit up the room when Ianto approached with his coffee.

“How do you know exactly what I need just when I need it, Ianto?”

He simply smiled and replied, “It’s my job, sir.”

“Have a seat. No need to rush your coffee unless you’re starving.”

“Not starving.”

“Then have a seat.”

Ianto sat down in the chair across from Jack’s desk and listened as the Captain made almost pornographic noises of pleasure while he drank his coffee. In fact, the noises became so intense Ianto started to feel himself flushing and growing hard. He looked up to see Jack smirking at him.

“Payback’s a bitch, Ianto.”

Ianto tried to look affronted, “Payback for what sir?”

“For looking so damn cute in that suit.”

Jack winked at him.

Ianto only smirked into his coffee in response. The silence stretched out for a moment before Jack set his coffee mug on his desk and leaned forward, clasping his hands on the desk in front of him.

“You doing okay?”

Ianto raised an eyebrow and looked up at his boss. He was surprised at the personal question, but oddly pleased that Jack seemed to care.

“Fine sir, why do you ask?”

Jack shrugged in that nonchalant way he had.

“No particular reason. It’s been a rough few weeks for everyone and I just wanted to check and see if you were doing okay. You’ve gotten much better with your weapons practice. Your scores consistently outdo Gwen. Although, I know you prefer the stun gun. The archives have never looked better or been in better working order. Overall, I really think you’re coming into your own with the team. I just wanted to check and see how you were feeling about things.”

“Things are fine sir, thank you for asking.”

Ianto looked at him. He could tell by the look on Jack’s face that he was hoping Ianto would elaborate and Ianto didn’t miss the fleeting look of resignation that crossed Jack’s eyes when he didn’t. But, then he broke out into his mega-watt grin, slapped his palms on the desk and looked at Ianto gleefully.

“Good, let’s go get something to eat. I’m starving.”

Ianto gathered up their coffee mugs and made his way back to the kitchen while Jack shut things down. Jack joined him up in the Tourist Office a few minutes later and they quickly made their way across the Plass, Jack’s coat flapping around them as they went.

The meal itself was unremarkable, just Pub food really. When Ianto would think about it later, there wouldn’t be anything at all remarkable about the evening until later. Jack told tall tales that Ianto had trouble deciding if they were true or not. But Ianto found it didn’t really matter, Jack seemed to enjoy telling them and he certainly enjoyed hearing them, true or not. Plus, as the evening wore on and they ate their food in companionable silence, Ianto found that he simply enjoyed Jack’s company. He knew Jack was holding things back, keeping secrets. He knew as only one who had kept secrets himself would have known.

As he watched Jack shovel food into his mouth and talk around said food, Ianto couldn’t help but wonder how just a few short weeks ago he could have hated this man. Hated him with a passion that made his blood boil in rage. And now here he sat, across the table from him, having dinner with him, and feeling the inexplicable urge to stare unrepentantly at the gorgeous man that was his Captain. Ianto shook his head as if to shake off the thrall he seemed to fall under whenever Jack smiled the smile that made his eyes sparkle.

He took another bite of his food and chewed thoughtfully as Jack continued his story about an alien from the crab nebula that was actually a crab. Ianto knew he was starting to show all the signs of falling for the man across the table from him, not that he would ever let Jack know that. That little tidbit of information he would keep to himself. Plus he could only imagine if Owen ever got wind of it, he’d never hear the end of how Jack was shagging the teaboy.

Ianto rolled his eyes at that thought and tried to refocus on Jack’s story. And then all too soon the evening was over and they were making their way back to the Hub. Ianto was straightening the pamphlets and whatnot in the Tourist Office while Jack stood there and watched him.

“Did you need something, sir?”

“Stay?”

Ianto looked into the deep blue eyes of his Captain; saw a flash of vulnerability, of need, before both were replaced with wanton lust. Jack would never know that Ianto saw those flashes, not if Ianto could help it but it was those brief flashes of the real Captain Jack Harkness that made Ianto stay, that night and every night Jack asked. Because it was in those flashes that Ianto felt like he was the one with the power and whether he was fooling himself or not it gave him some feeling of control over whatever it was he had with Jack. That feeling of control allowed him to take care of Jack and at the same time feel like he was taking care of himself. He wouldn’t find out until it was too late that that feeling masked what was really happening between them. He wouldn’t find out until much later that it was that feeling that would make them both whole again.

Jack was looking at him expectantly.

“Yep,” he answered.

Jack smiled like a delighted puppy in response to his answer and started to bound back down into the Hub. Ianto turned off the lights in the Tourist Office and followed him.

  
TBC

 

 


	5. Out of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of episode tags told from Ianto’s POV focusing on his thoughts about the situations and on his relationship with Jack and how he progresses from hating his Captain and wanting him dead to propositioning him in just a few short weeks.

  
Well, here it is - the ending. Sorry it didn't come sooner, but as most of you know I had a birthday to plan for today :) And I've been vidding like a madwoman! I have three in the hopper - so I should be able to post one a week for a while. I am thinking about a sequel and the Jack and Ianto muses have been thinking as well however, I seriously doubt I'll get any writing done until after the hubs leaves for deployment. Then I'll have so much free/alone time on my hands I won't know what to do with myself - I should get plenty of writing done then and finally start catching up on the comms I'm so far behind on :) So, without further ado, I give you the conclusion of "The Masks We Wear." Please read and comment :)

 **Title:** The Masks We Wear  
 **Author:** Thrace_adams  
 **Word Count:** 11,212 – This Chapter 2325  
 **Date:** January 2009  
 **Spoilers:** Episode 1x6 Countrycide – Episode 1x10 Out of Time, blink and you’ll miss them references to the end of Series One.  
 **Pairing:** Jack/Ianto, mentions of Gwen/Rhys, Gwen/Owen, Gwen/Jack (only in the very briefest of thoughts)  
 **Warnings:** Angst, mentions of m/m kissing and implied sexual situations – there is no emo!Ianto in this fic.  
 **Rating:** Very light R – for swearing, mentions of m/m kissing, sexual talk, and implied sexual situations  
 **Summary:** A series of episode tags told from Ianto’s POV focusing on his thoughts about the situations and on his relationship with Jack and how he progresses from hating his Captain and wanting him dead to propositioning him in just a few short weeks.  
 **Disclaimers/Archive:** I don’t own Torchwood, Captain Jack Harkness, or Ianto Jones. If I did there would be less talky talky and more kissy kissy. What you recognize belongs to RTD and the BBC, what you don’t belongs to me. I’m a full time Mom so you won’t make any money by suing me. May be archived at Wereleopard’s lair and at my LJ. All others please ask.

  
Thanks to [](http://www.livejournal.com/users/buttononthetop/profile)[**buttononthetop**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/buttononthetop/) for being my wonderful beta and friend through this! *Hugs*

Start from the beginning [here](http://thrace-adams.livejournal.com/89423.html)

Chapter Five – Out Of Time

Ianto sat up in the Tourist Office waiting. Jack had already been gone several hours. Ianto suspected that whatever had happened with John it hadn’t been good or Jack would have been back by now. He didn’t think John had been coping very well and he wondered why Jack seemed to be taking it very personally. There was so much about Jack that they didn’t know. Ianto had his suspicions from working at One and from knowing the archives like the back of his hand, but he had no proof of anything.

Ianto sighed and decided to shut down the Tourist Office. He spent a few minutes straightening things up, locked the door and descended into the Hub. He spent the next twenty minutes cleaning up down there, throwing all the rubbish away, cleaning the dishes, and just doing some general tidying up. When Jack still hadn’t returned, he decided to head down to the archives to finish some filing he’d started earlier in the day.

He’d been down there quite a while when he heard the body mover start up, moving something or someone from the autopsy bay to the morgue. He put down the files he was working on and sprinted to the vault.

“Sir?” he clicked his comm unit.

“Ianto? You still here?”

“Yup, finishing up some filing. Did you need something?”

There was silence on the other end and then he heard Jack again.

“There was an accident. I’ve got it sorted. You’ll need to take the SUV home. I’ll leave the keys out for you. Go home, Ianto.”

He could hear the flatness of Jack’s voice and had to work very hard to suppress the anger that suddenly flowed through his body, fighting with the concern. They’d made progress in the last few weeks, the two of them. Or at least Ianto thought they had; now he wasn’t so sure. Jack had been distant since the Sky Gypsy had appeared. Anyone could tell that he identified with John, although Ianto wasn’t for the life of him sure why that was, it just was.

He walked briskly out of the vault back into the archive room where he’d been working. If Jack said the body was sorted then he wasn’t going to concern himself with it. Jack could deal with it. He finished filing his papers, straightened his tie and made his way back up into the Hub. He was surprised at how dark it was but seeing as how Jack intended for him to go home, he shouldn’t have been.

Ianto made one last check through the Hub for rubbish, even went up to Jack’s darkened office and collected his last coffee mug. The man himself was nowhere to be found. It was as if Jack had disappeared. Ianto couldn’t even hear movement or breathing from Jack’s space under his office. He sighed heavily, wondering where the Captain had swanned off to this time and made his way back to the kitchen. He quickly cleaned up Jack’s mug, gave the kitchen one last glance and then flicked off the light.

He’d found the keys to the SUV by the coffee machine where Jack had left them. He wondered what had happened to John and his car and frankly that fueled his anger just a bit more. Obviously Jack knew since he’d directed him to take the SUV and it angered him that Jack didn’t think that maybe just maybe Ianto might want to know what happened to his car. Quietly, he seethed as he made his way toward the employee locker area where he kept his coat and the rest of his personal items. It wasn’t until he had his coat on that he even realized the water in the shower was running.

He paused for a moment, trying to put his finger on what was wrong because there was definitely something wrong. And after a moment or two he figured it out. The silence. Jack usually sang in the shower, but not tonight. Tonight it was eerily quiet, except the sound of the water bouncing off the tile.

Ianto clenched his fist. Jack had told him to go home, told him he had it sorted and that he should go home. So why was he standing here thinking he should go in and find out what was wrong with Jack instead? Sighing, he hung his coat back up, along with his suit coat and closed his locker back up. Hands in his pocket he walked toward the shower, bracing himself for a cold, tense reception from his boss.

What he found when he turned the corner was enough to shock even him. Jack was sitting on the floor of the shower, fully clothed, great coat and all with the water pounding down on him. He seemed to be oblivious to the water and Ianto’s presence. His knees were drawn up close to his chest, his elbows resting on them, hands outstretched and his head hung dejectedly. What surprised Ianto even more was the temperature of the water. It was cold, almost as if Jack was trying to punish himself for something. Ianto knew it was cold because he could see Jack shivering under it.

Cursing to himself, he stripped off his waistcoat, shoes and socks and padded quickly over to the shower. He sat down next to the older man and put his arm around his shoulders drawing him in closer. Jack leaned his head on Ianto’s shoulder and that was when Ianto realized that Jack wasn’t just shivering from the cold he was crying!

“Cooolllddd,” Jack stuttered out.

Ianto reached up silently and changed the temperature back to a respectable warm bath water.

“Better?”

Jack nodded against his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Ianto.”

“For what?”

“For everything I’ve done to you, for the way I’ve treated you, for your car.”

Ianto stiffened slightly at the mention of his car and Jack was quick to respond.

“Don’t worry. I’ll sort it. I’ll get you a new one.”

“Sir, what happened tonight?”

He felt Jack stiffen against him. The older man was silent for a very long time, long enough that Ianto had resigned himself to not getting an answer. Whatever happened, it must have been bad for Jack to be here like this and apologizing. Something truly awful had to have happened.

“I found John, in your car. He was getting ready to kill himself. He just couldn’t take being out of his time. It was too much for him.”

Ianto felt Jack shudder again and squeezed his shoulders in what he hoped was a reassuring manner.

“I tried to talk him out of it. He just told me he’d wait until my back was turned and then he’d do it right.”

He paused then and looked up at Ianto, tears streaking his face through the water.

“I couldn’t save him. I let him die. I let him kill himself.”

Ianto could tell by the look in his eyes there was more Jack wasn’t telling him but what he’d told him was enough.

“Sir, there was nothing you could have done. I think it broke him to see his son old like that and to know that even his grandchildren were getting old. He’d missed out on so much and so much had changed. You did everything you could have to save him. He just didn’t want to be saved. You can’t save everyone.”

Jack laughed bitterly, turning away from Ianto and hanging his head again.

“And there it is the root of all my problems. I can never save everyone. I couldn’t even save you.”

Ianto frowned at him.

“What are you talking about? You’ve saved me numerous times!”

“But I couldn’t save you when it counted.”

Jack shifted under his arm, letting his head rest on the shower wall.

“You know it’s ironic that you would find me down here.”

Ianto’s heart started to pound just a tiny bit faster, thinking about the time he’d been  
down here in a similar state as Jack and wondering if somehow Jack knew.

“Why is that?”

“Because I watched you down here. I watched you that night, after the Beacons. I watched you do exactly what I’m doing now. I watched you pound your rage out on the tiles and collapse into tears and I was too much of a coward to come down here and do exactly what you’re trying to do for me now.”

Ianto wanted to feel anger at having his privacy so rudely invaded but he just couldn’t. Another time and place, maybe even a few weeks ago, he would have boiled with anger, would have liked nothing more than to punch that smug look right off Jack’s face. But Jack seemed so broken right now. Ianto was beginning to realize that Jack carried more on his shoulders than any of them had any inkling of. They would probably never know just how heavy Jack’s burden was. But for just this brief moment, Ianto was carrying it with him and for that he couldn’t be angry. Not when it was something he’d only recently discovered he really wanted from Jack. He wanted Jack to share with him, he wanted to share Jack’s burden.

Jack shifted against him and Ianto frowned. He’d felt this way before, with Lisa and now he feared he was starting to feel things, strong things for Jack.

“I know I shouldn’t have. I know I was intruding on a private moment.”

Jack shifted a bit so he was looking at Ianto. Ianto returned his gaze, stiffening his back against the intensity of Jack’s stare.

“I’m sorry. I just – What happened out there was my fault and – and I felt so terrible about it, about all of it. It was your first time in the field and the thought of what could have happened to you…”

Ianto shuddered as Jack’s voice trailed off, speaking up when Jack stopped.

“But it didn’t. And it wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I should never have been taken and I should have been able to get Tosh out of there.”

Ianto almost flinched at the amount of self-loathing he heard in his own voice. Frankly, it surprised him. He thought he’d gotten past all of that.

“No. NO! Don’t you ever think any of that was your fault.”

Jack gripped Ianto’s chin in his hand, forcing the younger man to look at him.

“You have no idea how proud I was of you that day, how proud you make me every day. You’ve come so far, made such progress. I couldn’t be prouder of anyone than I am of you. I watched you that day because I was worried how it had affected you. I invaded your privacy and for that I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry about what I learned because of it.”

Ianto looked at him quizzically.

“What did you learn?”

“That you are probably one of the strongest people I know and yet you hide a lot of yourself behind a mask.”

Ianto hoped his shock at Jack’s words wasn’t showing on his face.

“Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I’m the king of masks. Of all people, you probably know that the best.”

He smiled at Ianto.

“So, it looks like we’ve caught one another in a vulnerable moment when our masks have slipped off our faces. You didn’t know until now that I’d seen you without yours but you do now. I’ve seen the anger, the pain, and the rage you hide. I’ve seen the determination and strength you use every day to keep up the façade. And now it seems you’ve seen me without mine.”

“What does your mask hide, Captain?”

Jack hung his head forward again in defeat and whispered, “You tell me Ianto. What do you see?”

Ianto thought for a moment. What did he see in Jack? At first he’d been a way into Torchwood, a way to save Lisa. At that time he’d been a force of nature, an irrepressible flirt and an intimidating boss. Actually, if he thought about it, Jack was still all of those things but it was so much more complicated. He was cold and calculating at times, caring and generous in others. And now, now Ianto saw a vulnerability he’d never seen before - a need for someone to care for him, to take care of him and a need to hide that fact from himself.

Ianto took a deep breath because seeing what he saw, gave him that feeling of power again, the feeling that would eventually be his undoing, their undoing but in time would also help them find their way back to each other. In the here and now though, this was something he could do. He could care for Jack; he could take care of Jack. Ironically, it was what he’d signed on for, only this was a lot more personal than making sure Jack didn’t have any dried egg on his collar and Ianto resolved to do his best.

Ianto laid his hand on his thigh, palm up, an open invitation for Jack. He watched as Jack looked down at the hand and slowly placed his large hand in Ianto’s entwining their fingers together. When their fingers were laced together and Ianto couldn’t tell which fingers belonged to him and which ones belonged to Jack, he leaned his head back against the tile, feeling the warm water continuing to rain down on both of them. The familiar smell of wet wool floated up to his nose and he inhaled deeply, a small smile gracing his lips. He could feel the weight of Jack’s stare as the Captain waited patiently for him to answer. He turned to look at Jack feeling those blue eyes pierce him like a knife and he whispered his answer.

“I see you, sir. I see you.”

  
The End.


End file.
